There's a fine line
by LaurathegLeek
Summary: Kurt is having problems. Finn's too busy to care and he can't tell Burt, Carole or Blaine so he turns to someone else... Post 'Furt'. 'Special Education' features pretty heavily
1. As of Monday

**[I do not own Glee, it's the property of Ryan Murphy and FOX]**

Kurt walked through the front door and ran straight down to the basement to his bedroom before Finn had even taken his shoes off; as soon as he reached his dresser he opened the top drawer and took a slim leather pouch out of it and turning it upside down he caught the sharp blade between his thumb and second finger and then he finally pulled the leather off of the knife and threw it gently onto the dresser table, he just stood there and stared at the knife – he'd had on it him since that awful kiss in the locker room with Karofsky and still nobody knew and Kurt was determined that it would stay that way!

He was jerked from his thoughts when he heard footfalls on the stairs and quickly he stuffed the knife back into its sheath and put it back into the drawer and then turned around slightly and gave Finn a small smile. Finn just stood there looking at him "Mercedes said she would like to talk to you… Could you get on IM in a few minutes?" without waiting for an answer Finn ascended the stairs and went into the lounge and turned on the soccer game leaving Kurt to his black thoughts…

He looked at the clock and decided he may as well face the music so with that he walked up the stairs and going into the kitchen he switched his laptop on and waited for it to load up then grabbing his headphones off the side he plugged them in and waited for MSN to load up…

**Fashion_gurl & Defying_Gravity have just signed in**

**Fashion_gurl says: **_So, I'm not dreaming? You really are leaving McKinley?_

**Defying_Gravity says: **_Mercedes, I'm so sorry but I can't stay there another minute; regardless of what Puck or Finn say I'm not –safe- there anymore!_

**Fashion_gurl says: **_But you haven't even given them the chance to show you that they can help you out! _

**Defying_Gravity says: **_This isn't up for discussion! As of Monday I'm a Dalton Academy student and that's it! I'm sorry if I've broken your heart again M, but in the long run I'm better off going to Dalton and I know deep down in your heart you agree with me, don't you?_

Fashion_gurl has signed out

**Defying_Gravity says: **_DAMMIT!_

Courage17 has signed in

**Courage17 says: **_Hey Kurt, what's up? You seem a little ticked off, everything OK?_

**Defying_Gravity says: **_Mercedes doesn't understand why I have to leave WMHS and it's driving me a little mad… Anyway how are you? _

**Courage17 says: **_Leave McKinley? Where are you going? I'm fine thank you. How did the wedding go?_

**Defying_Gravity says: **_As of Monday I'm becoming a Dalton Academy student! The wedding was absolutely perfect – Carole looked amazing and Dad's dancing really wasn't that bad hehe…_

**Courage17 says: **_Wow Kurt why didn't you tell me things were so bad? Don't get me wrong I'm so glad you're coming to Dalton but I thought things were getting better back at McKinley?_

**Defying_Gravity says: **_Dad and Carole had a meeting with the principal and then they came by just as I was heading into glee club to rehearse and they told me that they wanted to spend their honeymoon money on the tuition fees, and I couldn't exactly protest could I? _

**Courage17 says: **_No, I guess you couldn't… Well I'm glad you're coming on board and I promise to let you audition for the Warblers but right now I have to go offline for a bit as we have a practice but I'll see you on Monday! Bye for now Kurt_

**Defying_Gravity says: **_Bye Blaine _

**Courage17 and Defying_Gravity have just signed out.**

Kurt switched the laptop off and went to go back to his room only to find Carole standing in the kitchen doorway with her hands on her hips "Where do you think you're going, hm? Dinner's nearly ready… It's your favourite too!" Kurt sighed and looked up at his step- mum "But I'm really not that hungry; besides I've just told all my friends I'm transferring to a school that are their competion in the upcoming Nationals I cannot think about food at the moment. I'm sorry, Carole, but I can't" With that he slinked his way past her and ran downstairs to his bedroom opened up the dresser drawer took the leather sheath out and walked into the bathroom and locked the door…

**A/N: **Chapter one is down! Yes this fanfiction is all about Kurt feeling suicidal, depressing subject I know but if you would be so kind as to leave me a comment/review I'd be very grateful. Thank you


	2. Now you care?

**[Glee belongs to Ryan Murphy and FOX]**

Kurt sat on the bathroom floor turning the leather over and over in his hands, he checked his phone a few times only to find a couple of angry text messages from Mercedes; one rather annoyed text from Rachel; three texts about having 'Courage' (yet again) from Blaine and lastly a rather abusive one from a number he didn't recognise, his eyes scanned all of the capital letters and he felt the hot, angry, tears fall from his eyes and without thinking he laid the phone on the side of the bath and pushing himself up from the floor he sat on the edge of the bath and picking up his phone he re-read the message, it said: 'I DON'T CARE IF YOU HAVEN'T TOLD ANYBODY ABOUT WHAT YOU DID TO ME IN THE LOCKER ROOM, HOMO, I'M STILL GOING TO KILL YOU!' the blood in Kurt's vein's ran cold and without thinking about what he was doing he had undone the button on his trousers and was running them down his thighs until they reached his knees and then tipping the leather sheath upside down he caught the knife in his hand and pointed it at the skin that was just under his hip bone. He picked his phone up again and re-reads his tormentors text and laughed slightly _'Not if I kill myself first…' _he thought to himself and just like that he plunged the pointed blade into his skin and screamed out from the shock of it all.

He heard the knock on the bathroom door and he knew he didn't have a hiding place for his other secret so he cleaned it off with toilet paper and then stuck it into his bathrobe then re doing his trousers up he washed his hands and then unlocked the door to find his dad standing there looking concerned "Kurt, what's going on in here? I just heard a scream of pain so I thought you'd hurt yourself, you haven't have you?"

"No, no of course I haven't, dad, honestly. I think I may have left the TV on… Sorry." He looked up at the older man apologetically.

His dad looked him up and down once more, nodded, and then went back upstairs to probably watch the football with Finn.

Kurt breathed a sigh of relief and taking the knife out of his bathrobe he sat back down on the edge of the bath and taking his trousers off again he found the place that he'd made the first incision and saw that blood had dripped down his leg and putting his thumb on it he wiped some off and licked it – it tasted like salt and copper, a nice taste if he was being honest – he then went to insert the knife again, but this time scanned the bathroom for something he could bite down onto to stop his screams from being heard he found a small, clean, flannel sitting on the lid of the clothes basket so he got up and grabbed it and walked back over to the bath and rolling the flannel into a cylinder he put it between his teeth and bit down on it, hard, then picking the knife back up again he made another line underneath the one from before; he felt the tears run down his cheeks but he couldn't quit now he'd come too far!

He continued making small, fine, lines a little way down his leg and then he looked up at the bathroom clock and saw that it was hitting 11:30PM so he grabbed the knife up, washed and dried it and stuck it back in the sheath and then doing his trousers up he quietly unlocked the door and crept into his room that he shared with Finn and started to get undressed in the dark until he heard the flick of a night light switch and heard someone sit up in the bed a little "Kurt?" he heard Finn's muffled question so he turned to look at him "yes?" he replied, rather pointedly and went back to getting ready for bed but Finn sensed something was up so he got out of his bed and went over to Kurt's and sat down on it "Kurt, what's going on, talk to me please?" he put a hand on Kurt's shoulder, which in turn got shrugged off.

"I don't want to talk about it Finn" Kurt replied

"But I want to help you out, why won't you let me help you?" Finn asked in a soothing tone, which got some reaction out of Kurt…

"Because I've made up my mind up; I'm now a Dalton Academy student and there's –nothing- you can say to change my mind… Now, I'm going to bed. Goodnight Finn"

Finn got off of his stepbrother's bed and went back to his own and as soon as he got into it he looked up at the ceiling and let out a low sigh and fell into a slightly fitful sleep.

Close by Kurt Hummel was sobbing silent sobs into his pillow he hadn't bargained on how painful his legs would feel after he'd cut into them and he also hadn't banked on the pain keeping him awake all night; he tossed and turned for a good half an hour until finally whipping the covers off of him he crept upstairs to the kitchen and turned on his laptop and typed the following search into Google: 'Pro-cutting forums'….

**A/N: **Well here's chapter two. This time we find out a little bit about why Kurt feels the need to do this… There's more angst to come in chapter three and still no one knows why he spends practically all night in the bathroom…


	3. The coffee's gone missing

**[Glee belongs to Ryan Murphy and FOX, not me]**

Kurt was on his tenth cup of coffee and as he glanced down at the clock on his laptop he nearly spurted the mouthful all over it – it was 4:30AM! He had to be up to take Carole shopping in exactly three hours and yet here he was sitting in the kitchen taking down notes on the best way of injuring himself… _'Bad move Hummel…' _he thought to himself as he finished the tenth cup and put the mug down next to the laptop and started taking down more notes…

He was startled awake by the smell of melting butter "w-where am I?" He asked groggily.

"Well I woke up this morning and found you down here, care to tell me why practically all the coffee's disappeared?" his step mum looked over at him from the stove with a concerned, caring, look on her face.

Kurt rubbed his eyes and sat up fully and looking briefly at his laptop he noticed that, luckily, it had switched itself off so turning himself fully around to face Carole he started out on his lie "I couldn't sleep at all last night, Finn's snoring has gotten worse I swear, so I came up here to check my facebook etc and before I knew where I was I was being woken up to the smell of you cooking breakfast…"

Carole looked at Kurt as if trying to work out if he was lying or not, when she'd finally made up her mind she let him go back to his room to get washed and dressed as they had shopping to do and she would like him to be awake enough to help her pick out some new clothes.

Kurt darted to his room to find Finn standing by his bed with his arms folded across his chest

"Kurt, we –need- to talk. Now!"

Kurt looked up at him and shrugged "Well what's the matter then?"

Finn pulled back Kurt's duvet and Kurt's eyes fell onto the spots of blood on the under sheet… Kurt cursed under his breath and then he looked up at

Finn

"Well, I'm waiting… What has been going on in this bed exactly?"

Kurt gulped "Ohh I fell over the other day and I didn't realise that I was bleeding… Seriously what did you think I was doing?"

"I didn't want to think about it if I'm being honest…." Finn blushed a light pink colour.

Kurt just stared at him and then walked into the bathroom again locking the door to try and muffle out the noise of the radio that Finn had just put on; he caught the first few lines of 'How to Save a Life' by The Fray and he shuddered slightly – if only Finn knew how much that song was going to be needed all too soon…. He then put it out of his mind and putting the plug in the bath he set the taps to the right temperature and undressing he put his toe in lightly and when he was satisfied that he wouldn't scold himself he got into the bath fully, gasping slightly as the water reached the cuts on his leg and laying back he let the water relax him.

How he managed not to fall asleep surprised him but after a 20 minute relaxing bath he was fully ready to face the day shopping with Carole so jumping out of the bath he wrapped a fluffy towel around him and crept back into his room to find that Finn had gone. So drying himself off, making sure that he gently dried his legs so that he didn't irritate the cuts that were still open and bleeding slightly so he grabbed a few plasters out of his first aid kit and covered them up.

Half an hour later he was all packed and ready to go, yes the knife and the notes he'd taken from the night before were in his messenger bag just in case, so with that he ran upstairs and waited for Carole to finish washing up so that they could go off into town to spend lots of money on clothes for both of them.

They finally set off, in Kurt's car, and an hour later they had reached the shopping centre; Kurt parked the car turned the engine off and jumped out of the car and after locking it him and Carole headed into the mall and stayed there for quite a few hours!

**A/N: **This chapter doesn't seem as good as the others. But I would still like some reviews on it, please (:


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